5 Tips For An Amicable Breakup

5 Tips For An Amicable Breakup

Breakups, broken hearts and relationship dramas - the summer season brings these issues on with full force. As the weather heats up, cozy winter lovers seem to fall apart.

Over the weekend, I read Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderama's touching Instagram break post, I was totally impressed with the way they handled their breakup. Demi and Wilmer publicized their breakup before the tabloids could allowing them to dictate how it was communicated to their fans and the public at large. I've never heard any gossip about fights or other drama occurring in their relationship. Their maturity and seemingly amicable parting got me thinking about amicable breakups.

Is this a real thing or are amicable breakups as fake as a purple unicorn? 

Do breakups have to be the heart-wrenching mess we often hear from our girlfriends? Or the uncomfortable melodramas depicted in movies and television shows?

Can adults breakup responsibly? Dare I say amicably.  

I've never really been the master of the amicable breakup, to me it seemed easier in theory but much harder in reality. I'd much rather hold a grudge, remain angry and give me exes the silent treatment for the rest of our lives. This way I can ensure we will never get back together. I'd hate to succumb to his "baby please forgive me" phone calls, begging text messages, or uninvited pop-ups at my apartment in an attempt at reconciliation.  

Can amicably parting ways be the key to surviving a breakup?

I think it can be, especially if you're going through it with a child, as I did.  

Here a few tips that helped me get through my breakup amicably...

Present a united front. It's important to be on the same page during a breakup especially if you have children. This ensures there's as little disruption to their lives as possible. You don't need to draft a breakup statement like celebrity power couples but repeating the same talking points can demonstrate to the kids you're on the same page; thereby reinforcing the idea that the breakup was in fact mutual. 

Give yourself space to deal with the loss and your emotions. I limited contact with my ex for at least six months. The less we spoke or interacted the better chance I had at a healthy healing. Instead of talking on the phone, my ex and I would interact via text. For me, phone calls brought back feelings and memories, text messages were just the impersonal interactions I needed to start seeing him more as a friend and less as a love interest. 

Unfollow your ex from all social media accounts. Do this immediately! Who needs to see his status updates, pics with the kids or outing with friends. Disconnecting from his online life helped us both move on with your lives. 

Take a break from his family and mutual friends too.  I felt that staying connected to his friends and family would keep me connected to him. While they may mean well, these loving individuals wanted to analyze the relationship,  discuss the reasons for its demise, update me on my ex and probe into my newly single life. I limited my contact with them because for me, the less I knew about his life post break up the easier it was to remain friendly.

Get counseling. You can pursue counseling together or apart. It's helpful to seek the advice of an objective third party who can give you the tips you need to maintain a friendship while moving on with your respective lives. I don't know how I would have gotten through the breakup without my therapist. Seeking help can reduce your chances of falling into depression or spiraling into self blame. 

What are your thoughts on the subject of amicable breakups? How have you handled your breakups? 

 

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