I Don't Do Weekdays Anymore + Other Randomness
I've been moody lately.
Very, very moody.
When you're thinking about what to do next with your life, you tend to drift in and out reality, while simultaneously experiencing a lot of emotional highs and lows. People can't seem to handle when I'm honest about my lows but that's okay. I have to deal with the lows, just because they're uncomfortable doesn't mean I'm going to shy away from my feelings. Afterall, adjusting to change, dealing with a new life direction and growth isn't supposed to be easy. Right?
On the bright side, I don't do weekdays anymore. I'm no longer yearning for my week to be over or for Friday to come. For me, most days just kinda fall into one another. I'm never truly sure what day of the week it is anymore. Mornings and evenings seem to be the only time of day that stands out to me. I think this time off has changed my perceptions of time or maybe I'm having a nervous breakdown. Who the hell knows?
I've been home for 10 weeks; I can't believe how time has flown by. Spring will be here in a matter of days, which means my 41st birthday is around the corner; just a few weeks away. Which means? Ummm...absolutely nothing. I'm not stressed about getting older because it's pointless. Psyching myself up to pursue freelance and consulting clients, that's what I'm worried about.
Besides, the older I get the younger I look, at least that's what I tell myself. It must be genetics or the melanin in my skin. Or maybe I'm Benjamin Button? Who the hell knows?
Anyway, back to consulting, I ordered business cards to distribute to potential clients. I have one client so far and would love to have 3-4 more soon.
I'm also ghostwriting a book for a friend. I've never written a book before; the fact that I lack experience in this area scares me. Really, really scares me. However, I'm doing it anyway. I know that I'll do my best work because that's the kinda person I am but I'm still afraid. The tragedy of my story is I'm more afraid of being a success than a failure. Who the hell knows why I feel this way but these are thoughts I've been battling my entire life.
I've wanted to write a book since I was kid. Typing that sentence prompted me to reflect on my time elementary school, somewhere deep in those memories is the reason why I'm afraid to write a book and am afraid of success. It's amazing how incidents from the past bubble up in my future. What's worse is that I let these things stop me from living a full life.
Okay, I'm not trying to bring you down, these are just thoughts I'm dealing with.
Let's move back to the bright side!
The bright side of being home full time is there's no dress code. My daily attire no longer consists of slacks, cardigans and blouses. Now, I'm an all yoga pants, leggings, sweatpants, sweatshirts, jeans and t-shirts all the time kinda lady. It's comfortable but deceiving. The last time I wore stretchy clothes everyday I put on 15lbs. But I'm not worried because back then I wasn't a vegan. My relationship with food is different now, so I'm confident I won't experience that again.
Also on the bright side, I'm taking advantage of every opportunity that comes my way. Self employment opportunities that is. The past ten weeks have given me the opportunity to reflect on my life, my career and what's next. I need to work for myself. Weighing the pros and cons of self employment versus being an employee, I realize that I need challenges, changing projects and an opportunity to be my best self. I plan to spend the next 40-50 years I have on the planet living my life on my terms. Besides, if things don't work out, I’ll just revamp my plans.