3 Tips For Dealing With Infidelity
Last week, I heard yet another heartbreaking story of a beautiful and accomplished woman who discovered her partner’s infidelity. Finding out your partner has cheated can be a devastating blow to your self-esteem, ego and pride.
A flurry of thoughts and emotions rush to your head trying to force you to react and make decisions in that moment. What do you do? Should you try to work it out or leave? My advice to everyone is LEAVE! Don't work it out. Don't stay for the kids or to keep up appearances. Leave or you’ll wish you had later when it happens again.
I'm of the belief that some relationships aren't timeless. We no longer live in a time where you're required stand by your man. Nor do we live in time where marriage is a woman's only gateway to freedom and independence. You can leave and with some work start your life anew.
Being cheated on breaks your spirit in ways nothing else can. Here are some important tips to remember should you find yourself in this situation.
Remember it's not your fault.
Your lack of “whatever” didn't cause your partner to cheat. It’s a conscious decision he made on his own, thereby violating your trust, increasing his belief in his entitlement and casting you as the villain of this relationship story.
There are tons of alternatives to cheating, like honest communication, couples counseling or I don't know maybe just about anything else. Remember he could've just been honest with you about being unhappy and his feelings of wanting to stray. It would be so refreshing to hear that more men chose this option instead of cowardly skulking around behind their partner's back. People choose dishonesty because they think the rules of relationships and marriage don't apply to them. Cheating is a selfish act. Do not carry the blame. Don't blame yourself.
Kick him out or move out.
Being under the same roof will anger you or give him a false hope that things will work out and you can be happy again. You need your own space to process the situation, if you continue to share the same home that won't happen. Get away from the situation immediately to prevent fighting, arguments or the possibility of violence.
Yes, he screwed up. The pain is soul crushing. You feel defeated but don't victimize yourself further by wallowing in self pity. While you grieve distract yourself with action. Workout, hang out with friends who lift your spirits or spend time with your family. Whatever activity brings you joy, go do it. You won't forget but the distraction will keep you sane and level-headed as you plan your next move.
I know most people think it's best to stay out of the affairs of others, but I wish I had listened when my friends gave me this advice. I thought staying would ensure things worked out. I wanted things to workout. I forgave his first incidence of cheating because I thought I wanted to save my relationship, but It didn't work. We fought a lot afterwards and he cheated at least three more times that I'm aware of. Through all of this I stayed and I was miserable. I now realize it's a lesson I needed to learn but turning down good advice could've saved me from years of pain. I know every situation isn't the same, however if you see even a small percentage of yourself in my story consider taking my advice. You deserve greatness and happiness, this will never come your way as long as you settle for less.
What advice would you give someone in this situation?