How to Be Your Most Attractive Self

How to Be Your Most Attractive Self

I am a hopeless romantic.

I am the type of woman that believes in the power of restoration in love and that secretly lives for the happily ever after.  I’m not this way because love has treated me well.  In fact, love hasn’t been particularly kind to me as of late.  

I am this way because I believe in my power to manifest a romantic life.  Now stay with me here.. Because I have some truth for you.

Five years ago I was traveling the United States when I met a man.  I was young, confident and self-sufficient.  I didn’t have a care in the world and my attitude was a reflection of that.  We were married within nine months and then separated four years later.  I racked my mind for months trying to figure out what went wrong.

One day the penny dropped; I had overlooked the importance of attraction.  You see, attraction is the key to getting and keeping the type of relationship we long for.  

I’m not talking about physical appearances.  I’m talking about the elements that make us who we are - our emotional energy, attitude, outlook and vibe. The law of attraction tells us that we attract the type of people and experiences into our lives that reflect our current state.  Interesting right?

So how do you become your most attractive self? How do you create the vibe that draws the right people to you? And keeps them there?

1. You become aware of your attractiveness level. The first step to achieving anything in this life is knowing where you are to begin with.  In order to understand your attractiveness level you have to be observant to how people respond to you. Do you consider yourself to be an attractive person?  Do the people you are acquainted with desire to know you better? Do they want to spend time with you? Are your relationships deep or more surface level? Practice becoming highly observant and reflective in order to best understand your attractiveness level.  

2. You invest in yourself. You’ve read a zillion times before that you need to “know and love yourself” but for many of us we still don’t understand what that means.  It means that you invest time into doing the things that make you happy.  If you don’t know what makes you happy then explore your options. What makes you feel relaxed, confident and sexy?  Is it a trip to the day spa or the nail salon?  Is it a financial investment into your education? Is it a day spent in bed reading a good book? Is it an evening at the gym?  Self-care is two-fold; when you invest in yourself it not only makes you feel good, but it reflects in the way you present yourself and interact with others.  Don’t believe me? Just try it.

3. You become less concerned with what other people are doing. Ever heard a woman trash talk another woman?  Ever tried to convince your partner to do something for you when they clearly didn’t want to do it? There’s a reason why these things are unappealing; it’s because they wreak of desperation.  A person who is confident and satisfied in themselves does not feel good when speaking ill of others, and a person who values their worth does not beg and plead for their partner’s attention or affection.  There’s something highly unattractive about a person who is overly concerned with what others are doing.

4. You create a space where people feel safe. Do people walk on eggshells around you? Does your partner exist in fear of how you will react to things?  People are attracted to people that make them feel safe.  We want to be around those people that makes our lives just a little bit better! Are you that person?  Now I’m not suggesting that you be someone other than you are; often times we bend to please others at our own expense and this is not what I’m suggesting.  But once you have worked through the first three points you will naturally become this person!

Long lasting attraction is the key to a beautiful relationship and a romantic life.  Throughout the course of my marriage, I had forgotten what it meant to be attractive and had adopted less than desirable traits.  Needless to say, the result was disastrous! I don’t want this for you.  

So what will you do this week to become your most attractive self? What will you do to create the type of vibe that attracts people to you? Let me know in the comments!

 Image from CreateHerStock

Candis Hickman is a Relationship & Dating Coach and author of The Dreaded Ex: Lessons in Love. She teaches smart women how to become the most attractive versions of themselves so that they can more easily move through relationship struggles, understand their unique needs and create the type of love lives they dream about. Read more about Candis’ coaching practice or pick up a free copy of her Design Your Dream Love Life Workbook here

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